“It’s like a fancy monster that eats dust but hates vacuums.”

Don’t rub it! Velvet gets grumpy if you rub its fur the wrong way.
Just use a soft brush or your hand to make it look nice, like petting a magical pet.
If you spill juice, say “Oops!” and blot it fast, don’t rub or panic.
Keep it away from scratchy shoes and sharp toys.
Let it chill in shade, not sun, not rain, not dragon breath (aka heat).